Have you ever had a moment that you completely do not remember and wish more than anything in the world that those that “do” would kindly forget? Until very recently I did not. I cannot tell you whether that is because I had forgotten, or I had just been lucky enough all of these years to have friends that were more absent minded than I or just kind enough to act that way. Whatever the reason, it really doesn’t matter because now I have children and they neither forget or kindly let you think they did.
It all started with my inability to sleep. I can spend hours staring at the ceiling, watching the clock and wishing that I will count my last sheep. Unfortunately the sheep keep on coming and the sleep never sets in.
When my doctor became concerned with my healing after surgery, he thought it would be best if I took something to help me sleep. After years of poor sleeping and a week of sleepless nights, a bit of help sounded like a great idea. Ambien was to be my new friend and I its new partner and together the two of us would fall fast asleep.
I must admit, I have never slept and felt as great as I did these past couple of months. What a difference a restful night makes; or so I thought…….
Several weeks after taking Ambien, my daughter and I had an odd exchange of words. She is 8, smart, funny and quite the little devil. So when she laughingly teased me I didn’t think much of it, until I spoke to her father.
My daughter came into the kitchen with a devilish grin lips purced and eyes twinkling with mischief. She tilted her head looked up at me and began kissing the air making smooching noises ranting the phrase “kiss me kiss me oohhh ooohh mommy wanted to kiss daddy”. As I brushed the top of her head with my hand and quickly brushed her off along with the nonsense she was spilling. “What are you going on about” I asked as she laughed out loud taunting me with her laughter. She then stopped, looked at me and said “why did you want to kiss daddy so bad?” “Kiss me kiss me” she continued to sing. After a few seconds I told her to stop and then reminded her that “she” was crazy because I did not go to bed with daddy. As a matter of fact, I pointed out, she and daddy were asleep before I ever went to bed because I was in the other room exercising. I then reminded her that she somehow was in my room on my floor and that…… Yes “that” you see is where I remember no more. I stood for a moment and realized I did not remember finishing my exercises, or getting in to my bed. I did not remember how my daughter got into my room but woke in the early morning to find she had slept on my floor and not in her room. Hmmmm, it felt odd, not being able to piece the night together, but never in my wildest thoughts did what happened next ever cross my mind.
Later that day I brought my daughters comments up to my husband. He stopped and looked at me and set down what he was working on. He simply looked at me and spoke one word, ‘YES’. ‘Yes’ he said again, she is right. She is telling the truth, don’t you remember????? I must say coming from a woman who usually has it pretty together, this was not a yes I wanted to hear. Not because I cant fathom the possibility of kissing my husband but because there is not one moment of it that I remember.
I stopped what I was doing and walked toward him, half laughing and half “not”! What do you mean? I did what? What? Are you kidding? I think was all of the intelligent response I could muster up as I listened to my husband retell my night. The night I had forgotten.
Here is how I heard it:
When I got to bed I asked him to kiss me goodnight. Demanded is probably more like it. This would not normally be an issue but he was asleep and apparently unresponsive so me being resourceful went and found myself reinforcements, one small eight year old sleeping soldier that I drafted to fight for my honor. Yep, I woke my 8 year old daughter and asked her to tell daddy to wake up and give me a kiss goodnight. As if I were also 8 and needed my girlfriend to make this little boy “pony up” I made her fight my battle. According to her dad, this is as she pleaded with me to let her go back to sleep cuz it was the middle of the night and she was tired. Little did she know that I did not care! Nope, I really just wanted a kiss goodnight. Once I had what I wanted all would be right with the world, but until then, no sleep, for anyone.
Oh yes, this is one of my proudest mother moments. One that I have already forgotten and will always regret. A night that to my husbands disappointment was unplanned, unimaginable and unlikely to ever occur again!
So my friend Ambien will have to go it alone and me I am back to counting sheep. And my daughter, well we are square. I apologized for accusing her of lying and she got to share the story with her brother and sister at dinner. Oh yeah!!!! With my luck she has also told her teachers, best friend, Sunday school teacher and the local PTA.